Sometimes I find myself reflecting on the past and thinking about all of the stuff I can’t do anymore…or don’t have the time for…or the energy.
I wish I could take twenty minute showers whenever I want like I used to.
I wish I could go on a spontaneous date with Kane like I used to.
I wish I could go sit at a park and read my book on a sunny afternoon like I used to.
Parenting is constant.
It’s twenty four seven, around the clock, no breaks, no wait a minutes, no I’ll get to it later.
The other day we had a particularly hard day. It had been raining all week so we were stuck inside and I was going stir crazy. I think we both were actually.
It was only noon and I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it until Kane got home.
I wanted so badly to just check out for the rest of the day. To just be done.
But I couldn’t. You just can’t “stop” being a parent.
But then I was rocking Grey to sleep for his afternoon nap and my day changed.
He would lay his head on my chest and then pick it up and give me a kiss.
And then lay it back down…and sit up for another kiss.
He probably did this five times before he fell asleep…
and just like that I forgot about everything else.
We are told that it goes so fast…and it does. And we try to remember that…and we capture all of the moments and hold onto all of the memories but before we know it, they’re all gone.
And suddenly, we are taking long showers again, date nights aren’t few and far between and I can read all of the books I want.
And my like I used to moments will look differently.
I wish I could rock him to sleep like I used to.
I wish I could spend all day in my pajamas snuggling with my sweet boy like I used to.
I wish I could hear a cute toddler voice all day long like I used to.
So, as eager as I am to get those date nights and showers back…
I also desperately want time to slow down.