Today’s post is going to be a little different than normal. To be honest, I am writing this more for myself than anything. If I happen to help someone else with this, well that’s great too…I just felt I needed to give myself a little pep talk.
Today marks the third week without my husband. As most of you know, his job takes him away from me for extended periods of time. It’s usually around 2-3 weeks but he doesn’t have a set schedule so this can make things challenging.
Here is a little back story of how we got to where we are today. When I first met Kane, he quickly told me about his career and how he is gone a lot. He was sweet enough to warn me before we got serious just in case I didn’t think I would like being in a “semi” long distance relationship. At the time, I think we both kind of thought this was a good thing. (I had the tendency to get bored, tired or annoyed of guys pretty fast) so I figured it would be good that I would see him for a couple weeks and then he would be gone for a couple weeks. Boy was I wrong!! After a couple months I realized that I was really starting to fall in love with this guy and having him gone all the time was not very much fun. He kept looking for different positions or places to work that would allow him to be home more.
Finally, the company he was working for decided to move him into the office. I was incredibly spoiled for about a year having him home every night! We relocated to a new town, (which we love) and things were going really well. After about a year, we realized that Kane wasn’t using his degree like he should be and we both knew that if he wanted to move up in his field he would have to be out gaining experience. After many serious discussions, we decided together that he should go back out to the field full time.
Which brings me to this post. He is currently on his first full time contract back in the field which just happens to be quite a long one. Three weeks so far to be exact. I wanted to write a few things here that have been helping me deal with this. (I also want something to remind myself to stay positive and that it will be okay). So here are my best tips to dealing with a “semi” long distance relationship.
1. Set some ground rules. By ground rules, I mean have a few guidelines to stick to. For instance, we make sure to talk every single night. I don’t mean texting, I mean we figure out a way to talk on the phone or skype. Right now, he doesn’t have very good cell phone service so we have been skyping. Just as long as we can hear each other’s voice and really be connected instead of just sending a text or an email. (However, we are constantly emailing throughout the day as well).
2. Don’t take your frustration out on each other. There are times that Kane is gone that I get really frustrated. For example, he was supposed to be home last weekend and we had some plans made together. Well, the rig broke down so he still isn’t home. When he told me that he wouldn’t be back in time, I got really mad and took it out on him. (Sorry, I’m not perfect). After our initial argument, I sat and realized that it’s not his fault. Unfortunately he doesn’t have a schedule and when things go wrong, he has to stay and fix them. The worst thing to do in this scenario is get angry although that is usually the first instinct. Obviously, I am still working on this one but it’s important to remember that being upset over things like this doesn’t help the situation at all.
3. Make the best of your time together. When Kane gets home, we are going to try our best to really enjoy each other and do as many fun things as we can! Whether that is visiting family, going to a movie, going on dates, doing something out of the ordinary, etc. just make sure to have fun and make the best of it!! We only have limited time together so we want to really take advantage of that. Trust me, this will help so much when he has to go back out.
4. Surround yourself with friends and family. I am the first to admit that when Kane is gone, I get super lonely! It is important to be around friends and family during this time so that you don’t go entirely crazy. Unfortunately, both my parents and Kane’s parents live quite a ways away but I am still going to make time. I am leaving tomorrow to go visit my parents and I am so excited! However, I do wish Kane was going with me.
5. Stay positive! This is so hard especially when you are feeling sad and lonely. Everything seems so much harder when my husband is gone…especially trying to be positive. I am always reminding myself that he will be home soon and that we will have 2-3 weeks to spend together.
With all of this said, of course there are going to be struggles. Of course there will be nights where you just don’t want to do anything but be sad. Of course it will never be easy. However, these are my tips to make it a little bit easier. If you have any other tips, comment or email me! I would love to hear them.
PS: I admire everyone who has a significant other in the military or has a “real” long distance relationship. I don’t know how people spend years apart but I really have a lot of respect for them.
I will be with my parents this weekend so look forward to some fun posts about my trip!
Have a great Thursday!